I am enough. I have a purpose. 

2 Corinthians 12:10

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

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Many times I’m sure many of us feels unqualified for certain things or we’re not good enough. Those are the moments that  discourages you to give your best in the things you do, not just serving at church but daily things like school work or even certain skills you’d like to learn. 
We always compare ourselves to the people around us. It’s hard to not compare because that’s one of human’s weakness. But God says that you are made perfect in His image (Colossians 2:10), you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
James 1:2-4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “

So do not fear when you face trials or challenges, take it as a learning experience for you to grow in your character. Don’t give up just because things gets too difficult, there is always a way out of the trials you face and there’s a purpose for it too. You have been prepared for it and the trials you face is used to reveal what God has prepared you for. 
You will always be more than enough, you will always have a purpose in life because God has a purpose for you. So take heart and keep on keeping on. 
[This post was inspired by Pastor Steven Furtick’s book devotion “(Un)qualified”.]

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The girl who is still waiting.

I believe in being pursue by the guy instead of me doing the pursuing. I believe in dating the guy who would potentially be my future husband because I don’t want to waste my time and emotions on someone who is not him. I believe in dating someone who has the same beliefs as I do and someone who has the same values as I do.

Marriage is a life long thing, so I believe in dating the right person, he doesn’t have to be perfect because ain’t nobody is perfect, but being the right person goes a long way.

I read somewhere and even watched a video somewhere which talked about how perhaps I’m in the situation where I am ready to be someone’s wife but the person whom I’m suppose to be with is not ready to be a husband yet, and so I’ll keep waiting for him until he is ready to be a husband, until he is ready to lead me in life, to lead me closer to God when we are married. Someone who will be reliable because it’s about time I have someone I can rely on, instead of being relied on. I am waiting for that someone to always be ready to support me and even correct me when I’m wrong.

While I wait, I strive to be the better version of myself. While I wait, I want to grow deeper into God’s presence, deeper into His Words. While I wait, I want to get to know myself better and enjoy life to the fullest. I’m not going to stay stagnant because I’m waiting. Waiting gives me more reason to be more proactive in life.

Even tho the talk about marriage can be scary for some people, but it’s not a taboo topic. It’s something a lot of people would like to have in their life. It’s a beautiful thing created by God and it shouldn’t be scary. It should be appreciated.

I am not lonely, I’m just waiting. When the time is right, I’ll know. hearts_400_267

Being brave

Growing up, my dad would always encourage me to be brave and do things on my own, from simple things like ordering my own food from a waiter or calling a cinema for inquiry and to be brave in making my own decisions. My parents always wanted my sister and I to learn to be independent and that also to be brave.

I always think of myself to be a brave person. Through the years I’ve learnt to do things on my own and not rely on people, even more so after my dad passed away. I had to get things done for myself and for my family. An example would be that I had to go to the government offices to get some paperwork done when we finally got a house from the national housing program. At that time, my mom had work which is why she couldn’t go get it done, but also she wasn’t too sure where to go, I stepped up and told her I’ll get it done and I did. It took courage to go to the government office to ask for directions and to make sure I got the right documents. Tbh at that time I didn’t see it as something difficult, I just went and did it, until a friend of mine pointed out that she wouldn’t be able to do what I did on her own, and that was when I sat back and think, this is not something people my age then would be doing, it’s be something their parents would handle on their own.

When I had to go to the Philippines for a student exchange program for a semester, I was there on my own with no other students from my home uni. I learn to adapt to the new environment, and was responsible for my own expenses and made sure I fed myself (wasn’t a problem at all) and again, a lot of people were impressed that I wasn’t scared and was even brave to travel out on my own to go to the mall nearby using a jeepney. But really, it wasn’t difficult and it wasn’t that scary, I just had to be wise and not go to places that are dodgy or dark. Most places I went to was crowded or like public places where people hung out. Anyway, I survived and I had a good time there.

This year, I feel like it’s a year where God is really trying to bring my courage up another level. As I’m trying to figure out and plan on where to take my masters, I think one after another obstacles it has been testing my courage. I think being at home in the comfort for so long, I might have forgotten how to be a little braver or I’m too comfortable to move. As I plan on where to go next, I think I have a lot more to consider and one of the main thing for me to think about is the finance. This time, I won’t have the financial support of the government to bring me overseas to study and I won’t have any allowance. I’ll have to consider if my family account has enough to cover my tuition fees and also consider how am I gonna get my living expenses while I’m overseas.

I’m looking as going to a nearby city to further my studies, and the cost of living in a city is higher than home. I’ll need to find a job while I’m studying and learn to balance everything out. It is scary, even tho I put a front of being brave and willing to take up a challenge, in the end I’m still a practical person and coming from a not so well off family background I worry about the finances. I’m scared on how I’m going to cope if I move, am I gonna be able to manage my time well? I know I’m going to miss home a lot, and I will be out of my comfort zone for sure. SGnIDoj.gif

Been thinking way too much because I have to and I’m so tired, but after thinking for the past few months, I know I need to make this move, I need to move forward and be brave to make this change, for myself, for my future, for my mom.

jump

It feels like cliff diving, like I’m at the edge of the cliff, wanting to jump but a little bit too scared to take that step off that cliff for that adrenaline, I think I’ll have to close my eyes for that first second, hold my breath and jump. I know when I step off that cliff, I’ll still be scared until I land and dive into the water and that rush of adrenaline will be my source of energy to push me further. It’ll be good. I pray hope that it’ll be good. Cause I know God’s got me through it all.

Praying that things will fall into place smoothly and 5 years from now I’ll look back and be glad that I made the right decision.

I think most of us just need to take a deep breath and make that first step out of our comfort zone to grow a little more.

Kelly Clarkson once sang this beautiful chorus from her song ‘Breakaway’

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes ’til I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

c0fb21c5a98703ad4a211863b32ee505Sometimes you just gotta take a risk and take a chance to make that change. 

I’m excited to see what’s next and excited to see if I’m brave enough to take that next step.

Current music obsession (May 2017)

My obsession comes and go. Sometimes amazing things comes up and I just becomes obsessed with it for months.

Gavin James – Nervous

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So recently on the radio I heard a song called “The Oooh Song” by Gavin James, the song is also called ‘Nervous’. The first thing came into mind was “Does the song only goes ‘ooh’?” and I thought it’d be one of those song like “selfie”, I can’t even understand that song, but anyway, so the song was played and I was blown away by how good it is. They played the remixed version on the radio so I looked it up on YouTube.

His voice is amazing and the song is so good

and there’s the original version, with just his voice ❤

Kinda reminds me of when I first heard of James Arthur, same vibe, so good.

Anyway, the song is from his album ‘Bitter Pill’, of course I went on to listen to the other songs, and they’re good too.

Chord Overstreet – Hold On

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Chord Overstreet who is famously know from his role in Glee, he recently released a few singles and I manage to listen to one of his latest song, it’s called “Hold on”. This song hit me hard, the story, the words of the song really got to me, especially after binge watching 13 Reasons Why recently,  the stories relate. But I think  The Vampire Diaries used this song for an episode, from what I’m seeing at the comment section of the video.

The first verse of the song below:

Loving and fighting
Accusing, denying
I can’t imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we’re made of
I’d be so lost if you left me alone
You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming “please don’t leave me”

Max Schneider – Lights Down Low

Max Schneider got my attention when he was on Nickelodeon’s How to Rock, cuz he’s got a good looking face and he’s a cutie. Then he really got my attention when he released a cover of JT’s Suit and Tie, cuz look at him in the video

He released a song called “Lights down low” last year and he wrote it for his wife as a proposal song, and it’s beautiful.

Logan Henderson – Sleepwalker

My favourite BTR member, Logan Henderson, the mysterious cutie. He release a new single last year, it’s called “Sleepwalker”, I love the song and I can’t wait for the full album, if he ever plans on coming up with one.

13 Reasons Why. My opinions.

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13 Reasons Why. Netflix poster.

13 Reasons why is one of the best selling novel which got picked up to be made into a show by Netflix. The show was releases in March 2017 and it has become a hit. It tells the story of a girl who has committed suicide and before that, she recorded 13 reason why she has decided to kill herself into tapes and send them out to the people who are the reason why it happened. This show is intense because it shows the reality of what teenagers or people go through, when bullying gets brushed off because it seems like a norm and how people may look okay on the surface but is confused and suffering inside.

 

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13 Reasons Why. Original book cover. 

I’ve read the book a few years ago and I’ll be honest, I don’t actually remember the story exactly, but watching this show helps remind me the story. I don’t actually know how much of the book they followed or based on, but the main idea is in the show. This show gave me all the feels. Some scenes were disturbing to watch and it got me thinking and scared of what the teenagers I work with goes through in school and in life. It’s hard being a teenager. It’s the time when you’re learning about yourself and adapting to your body. It’s a time where your hormones are acting up and you don’t understand your emotions. It’s a time of wanting to belong, it’s where you want to be relevant.

I was a teen like about 5 years ago, still kinda feel like a teenager sometimes, but I remember how hard it was for me to try and ignore people’s opinion about me, to love myself (my body), to fit into the crow (the cool kids). I wasn’t an emo kid, or angsty teen, I didn’t think about taking my own life, I was a fairly happy kid/teen. But I definitely had growing pains hahaha. Teenage years can be the most awkward part of your life or it could also be the best years of your life(because you’re just happy with everything in life).

The show has received backlash for ‘glorifying’ or ‘glamorizing’ suicide. It supposedly ‘romanticized’  the idea. Before I watched the show I saw the news on E!News about it and in my mind, I though, well i’ts a Hollywood show, of course they’re gonna make it look more dramatic and less scary than it seems. Then of course the casts defended the show and Selena Gomez as the producer say they did not want to glorify suicide, they wanted to show the reality of the issue that people do not speak enough about. The show even got criticized for showing the gruesomeness of how Hannah Baker (the main character) killed herself. The director did not want to hold anything back, they wanted to show people how it really is like.

I’ve been wanting to watch the show because of the hype but I also wanted to see how is the story conveyed, is the message of the issue getting through properly. After watching it, I can say for sure the show did not glorify/ glamorized/ romanticized the idea of suicide or even bullying. It shows the reality of it, it shows how scary teenager can be, it shows how important is it for teenagers to have someone to talk to, it shows how schools should be equipped with counselors who are properly trained to deal with issues like these, it shows how the little things we ignore or brushed off matters.The show even brought the issue of rape ans sexual abuse, it shows how victims are sometimes scared to talk about it because people might not believe them. 13 Reasons Why shows how some people just doesn’t want to outwardly share but want you to reach out to them.

I am scared because I volunteer in a youth ministry and I know I do not always have the time to connect with all the youths but I know they have stories, they have things they’re going through which they don’t share because they’re either scared/ ashamed/ confused about. I then think about the youths who doesn’t have a community, do they have reliable friends who can actually help them? Do they have people or someone older they can talk to? Do they know how to get help when they need it?

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There are so many reasons as to why you should never give up on your life, on yourself. Even when it seems like there are so many reasons as to why you feel like giving up, the reason to not give up outweighs it more.

Sometimes people don’t know you need help until you tell them,that’s why is so important to be able to talk to someone who you trust and can help you. If you know you’re stuck in a bad situation, get help to help you to get out of it. Don’t push people away, especially those you know in your guts that they for sure can help you and do want to help. Sometimes after getting hurt so many times, you just put up walls because you’re scared of judgement and getting hurt again. Know that there will always be at least one person who is always ready to help you and be there for you.

Things get better over time, like wine and cheese. It may look though now, but if you hold on to life and keep moving forward, and learn to let go slowly, it will get better. When you decide for yourself to change things in your life,in the way you think, you’ll see that there’s something to look forward to. A brighter future, a brighter tomorrow. You’ll still have so many things to look forward to. Do things you enjoy, do things that you want and is good for your mind, soul and spirit. I once told my friend that it will get better, when she was frustrated with life and she felt stuck. I told her to hold on. A few months later her life got better, she worked towards what she wanted. Sometimes when you’re ‘stuck’ in the current situation, it feels like your life is gonna look the same for the rest of your life or it feel like it’s too difficult to go through it, just know if you hold on, it’ll get better. I’m very sure of it.

Life is too precious to give up on it. You’ve been given life by your parents, by God. There’s a reason for your life in this world. Just because crap happens and sometimes more than crap happens, it shouldn’t give you a reason to give up. For example heartbreaks may suck and suck the life out of you, it’s also not a good reason to give up on life just because of that. Maybe you don’t see it as precious because people don’t treat it well enough, people don’t appreciate it enough and it has led you to believe that it’s not valuable. Don’t believe in that lie, don’t give in to that lie. There are people who care, there are people who loves you even if you don’t feel like it.

Sometimes you’re just tired of everything and you want to give up. Because the reality is that life is hard. It sometimes feels as if the whole world is against you, it gets hard to breathe, it gets hard to think. So giving up is the easiest thing to do. Take a little more effort to think again if it’s really okay to give up. Maybe all you need is just a little time for yourself, a little more time for your mind to heal, more time for your soul to heal. Give yourself some more time. 

I’m not an expert, I’m not a counselor, but I don’t hope for anyone in this world to take their own life, to give up. I don’t want people to feel like the only option is to take their own life or harm themselves. There’s really so much more in life and it really does get better.

Boy band craze

6358392880876636521456751145_boy-bands.jpgThe thing about Boy bands is that they know their audience. Every generation has their own boy bands and see them from way way back from The Beatles to The Beach Boys, The Jackson 5 to New Kids on The Block. Then in the 90’s you have the Hanson, Backstreet Boys, *N Sync, 98 Degrees and more. The one which had an impact on me are the ones which appear in the early 2000’s till now. tumblr_mayy94LPlW1qetnwjo1_400-300x251

Fangirl looks pretty much the same from back then and now, for realz, if you search google image for ‘fangirls at concert’ you’ll see the same image from back then and now. article-2113904-122239EB000005DC-978_634x4221

These are calmer pictures but there are picture of girls crying at a Beatles concert and then there are also pictures of girls crying at a One Direction concert.

Why are boy bands so wonderful, well, they’re made up of very good looking talents men/boys/guys. They’re full of charm which gets to teenage hormonal girls. These guys are our first crushes. They make us feel things we don’t even understand. tumblr_nrhiymfp0f1tkx26qo1_500.gifYup, it’s still something you can’t quite explain, you just gotta do your fangirl thing and go kinda crazy and melt into a puddle of emotions when you see them on screen, or when you hear them on the radio, especially when they release a new album or song.

Here are some to the boy bands over the years which have captured my heart and sanity.

  1. The Jonas BrothersThe-Jonas-Brothers-image-the-jonas-brothers-36065189-500-280.gifThe Jonas Brothers are one of the biggest thing in the 2000’s, specifically around 2005. They started a new era of boy band, they brought it back. These 3 brothers are gorgeous and talented. Of course around that time Disney picked them up and that’s how their fame rose so quickly all around the world. They even had their own show on Disney, I enjoyed it, cuz they were all adorkable, but with fame it comes with haters as well. Well every has their opinion on things but let’s just leave them haters aside. These brothers had an image which appealed to their audience which is their purity, with their family background, their father, a pastor and so this was what they grew up with. We need to remember that they’re also teenage boys and in Hollywood. So their got curious and well, took off their purity ring and decided to do things their own way. I don’t agree with their decision and ideas on not maintaining that purity, but it doesn’t mean I’ve decided to not be a fan of theirs. They’re still good looking (especially Nick, in my opinion) and they still produce good music. The band broke up in 2013 because the brothers wanted to go on and do their own thing which fans understood even tho were sad about the news. I got to see them live in KL in 2013 right before they broke up, and it was amazing. They sounded good live, and I’m very sure they sang live, cuz I was pretty close to the stage. Anyway, to a lot of us, the bothers were our first big crush and they’re still relevant.

  2. Big Time Rushbig-time-rush-canceled-gifs-bromance-2.gif These 4 guys first got my attention in 2013 even tho they’ve been around since 2009. They were formed from Nickelodeon for a TV show. I fell in love with the show when my friend first introduced them to me, I fell in love with the guys on the show, their characters, and then with the help of the internet,  it helped me learn a little more about them and well, I love them even more. Look at them! They’re so good looking and once again adorkable. The tv show helped them become a band and they matured through their career as well. The band stopped performing in 2014, after the show ended, which also means their contract ended. But of course as fans of their music, we kinda hope they will have a reunion as a band again next time, maybe like 10 years later just like what *N Sync and Backstreet Boys are doing now. My personal fav is Logan, he’s got that boy next door look on the show, in real life, he’s a little bit of a mystery if you read his tweets and well he only just got an IG account not too long ago. He’s a little more private. I’d like to say that I fell in love with him or so I thought. Kendall is cute too, he’s got those gorgeous green eyes and fans get to hear him a bit more with his own band called ‘Heffron Dive’. He had this band even before BTR, it consists of him and his friend Dustin Belt. Carlos is the first among them to get married and he’s now a dad to Ocean PenaVega (ya he changed is last name to PenaVega after he got married.), he’s still acting and producing some stuff, and as for James, he’s still busy producing music and acting, Logan just released a single, probably working on an album too. I was obsessed with them like I’d freak out when I hear them on the radio and I love that I have some friend who were as obsessed as I was.

  3. One Directiona8347ebc968250b28aaa86401660879b.gif I have to mention One Direction. As in when Zayn was with them. Now these boys are a little younger than me, but they’re still good looking and talented. So I can still enjoy them. Harry was the one who caught my attention, I mean Zayn looks really good and all but there’s something about Harry, maybe it’s his hair. I don’t know. But when their first song came out, it was pretty much everywhere, there was no way to escape it, and when it’s everywhere you start humming to it. I originally didn’t want to get to know this band or even like them, but they’re irresistible. They super cheeky boys and they sing songs that makes you go awwwww. They were able to transition easily into more mature content because they weren’t attached to any kids related company. Just like any boy band, they’re bound to breakup, in their case it happened when Zayn decided to leave the band to pursue his own thing, and the band was left with the 4 guys. They went on without Zyne and produced another album and it was as good. There was tension between the band and Zayn because of competition or misunderstanding but despite all that I appreciate their music still.

These 3 bands are the one who had my attention, but mostly the JoBros and BTR had my attention the most. There are other band which follow after who are good as well like The Vamps and even The Summer Set. But they’re more like a band rather than boy band.

I’m pretty there are new up and coming boy bands I don’t even know of but areas good. They will be the boy band for this generation. And teenage girls of this generation will go through what we all have been through. It’s a rite of passage to growing up, just kidding, it’s not really a rite of passage.

I’m just still amazed by what these boy bands can do, they actually have a lot of power to make your spend your money, time and emotions. Despite all that, we feel like we connect with them and that’s why we are so emotionally invested in them. So when something happens to them we cry, we get angry, we feel happy and we grow with them.

The Koreans have it all too, they have a lot of boy band and are still going strong in that scene. Their fan base is always growing and new young faces emerges every few years. It keeps going on in comparison to the western side. This boy band this is a culture. It crazy to be part of it but it’s also amazing to be part of it.

Blood is thicker than water

Growing up, my parents would always remind me and my sister that we should love each other because family will always be there for your, and as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. I know this is not true for all families, some families are so broken to the point where family won’t always be there for you but instead they have friends who becomes their family. Sometimes families are the ones who will drive you crazy but in the end you’ll always still go back to them.

But anyway, I’ve been thinking about my family and how much we have gone through these past few years. Losing my father was the biggest life changing thing that has happened to us. It was hard and still is sometimes but going through it has made me stronger even when I’m weak. I learn to be strong emotionally and also to be a support to my family, especially to my mom and sister. My sister is as strong as I am, so it’s good to have her strength as well to help support my mother emotionally.

My mom always reminds us (me and my sister) that we only have each other for support, no matter what we are still family and whatever happens we have to support each other. I see the importance in that teaching and I agree with it. Siblings don’t always see things eye to eye but we know we love each other and got each other’s back when needed. It’s like one of those unspoken things, we just know.

Sometimes friends can also feel more like family than your real family, which was what my father experienced growing up with a broken family. He loved being with his friends and to him they’re like family, but when I came along and his little family began, he poured out his love into his little family, and provided as much as he could. He wasn’t a perfect father but he was a great dad, he’s spend time with us when he could and taught us life hacks. Even though sometimes he spends a little too much time out with his friends more than with us which annoyed my mom a lot, but he’ll always make up for it by bringing us our for a good family time which includes a movie and good meal. I love how sometimes he would even  bring us out for an impromptu road trip on the weekends.

Right now my mom is our pillar at home, she supports us as much as she can as a single parent and she’s doing great. She is too hard on herself most times but I think that how most parents are like, because they only want the best for their children.

I think my sister and I see the struggles and know that we have to work hard to support and give back to our mom when we start earning well enough. To let her live a life of no stress because she deserves it.

I’m still learning about the importance of family everyday and as I grow older I become more sentimental about family time and get scared when I think about how much time I have left with my mom and even my grandparents. We need to appreciate every moment we have with our loved ones, cuz  we’ll never really know when’s the time.

Sometimes we take it for granted and forget or don’t realize that we also need to make an effort in building a relationship with our family. This means making time for them, spending time with them and have a genuine good conversation to just share what has been going on in your life. We assume that just because they’re family we already have a default relationship when it’s probably just a title connecting the relationship.

Relationship means you invest your time and emotions into building up. It doesn’t happen overnight but overtime. It’s a connection that has to be made.

So love your parents, your siblings, your grandparents. People who are dear to you, appreciate them. Family should always be your priority.

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